No one is perfect..I am nobody (:

Sunday, April 5, 2009

I am feeling so tired.... who...who...can understand how I'm feeling....

Sometimes..I really wish I do not exist in this world..

Do you think I am very happy being me? I tell you.. I am not..

I am very very very tired of living..

I am tired of playing so many ROLES in life..

is just so so so HARD to be good in everything..

I wish I am....

Smarter..

less stressful..

free..

have time for myself..

have time for each and everyone who once entered my life..?

and many many more.. somehow.. I think I am never content !

am I asking too much? Or I am lack of too many good points that others possess but I just can find in me..myself..and I?

I am..

My Parent's Daughter

My Sibling's Sister

My Cousin's Cousin

My Boyfriend's Girlfriend

My Friend's Friend

My Teacher's Student

My Student's Tutor

My Colleague's Colleague

My ......

I am also a customer to someone, a shopper, a buyer, a seller.......

Sometimes I really don't get it..

Why there are so many ROLES in life?

I am so tired of playing/involved in so many roles..

I think I failed to be my best in all the roles I am involved in..

which makes me kinda sad at times.....

I feel super lousy..

I am struggling to be my best in all the roles..

But why am I always busy with school work..

attachment after attachment.. lessons after lessons..

where is my holiday-s? I need a break to replenish all my energy..

I want to be in my best condition to play all the roles I am involved in.. I need some energy!

24th April (Fri) marks the end of my attachment.. Is my last attachment in poly..

But.. Next sem starts on 27th (Mon) April.. I do-not have any holiday for whole damn 1.5 year plus.. I am going to break down.. ):

Time management? I failed to manage my time properly?

You might say that.. or I am giving excuses not to meet you?

I feel very sad when people say they are as busy as me..why they can meet up and go out together but I can't meet them..they just can't understand..

I am busy not purely because of school work to be exact.. but instead I am busy catching up with all my friends, family, boyfriend.. ect

Somehow I think I live for others.. I wanted to quit teaching tuition because I am too tired.. but my student cried.. there again my heart turn soft.. I continue to teach..

I want to sleep longer.. but I am afraid I wasted too much of my time..
Mon to Fri I only have the most 4 hours for myself before I go to bed..
Finish work near 7pm, reach home at 8pm..
Sleep at 12am..
Sat and Sun is reserved for work, friends, boyfriend, family... ect
Why I am me? Do you lead a better life than I do? Or everyone have their own trouble/problem..?
Am I the most pitiful person in the whole wide world?

looks can be deceiving..

Behind my smiles everyday..
I am very very very very very very tired..

If ever you think I am not good enough to be your...friend, girlfriend, sister, daughter.. whatever.

Do remember this post.. I don't even have time for myself..

and I am trying so hard to be your best friend, girlfriend, sister, cousin, daughter, tutor.........ect

Just that.. There are so so many reasons..

when I say I am busy.. I am really busy.. My sis say I spend my time wisely.. always have things to do.. place to go.. people to meet.. But seriously I wish I have a day for myself..

(: Ok.. I always feel better after telling others how I feel..

a little about myself..

I realise I did not mention much about myself in my blog..

actually I don't really like to eat ice-cream..it seriously depends on my mood.. unless I am feeling down otherwise I will not eat ice-cream.. I love the feeling of ice melting in my mouth.. my problems seems to melt away..

When I drink lots and lots of water.. Is when I feel like crying.. I believe drinking water I will "swallow/drink" all my tears away..

other than that..Seriously I myself also don't know much about myself..

Lastly to my dearest friend Mushroom..

She is going oversea tomorrow till MAY..

Do take care of yourself (: hope you like the love letter, and the things I get for you. Went out with sis yesterday thus unable to meet you for your farewell dinner. So sorry. Hope you enjoy yourself yesterday (: LOVE YOU!

btw I rebond my hair already (: Not as straight as the previous time.. I did cut my hair.. ShiLin say no diff.. Violet realise I cut my hair.. -____-" dono the exact answer.. haha. going to perm my hair 6 months later.. maybe?

still deciding.. perm hair is such a chore..

My girlfriendz.. Penny, Ting, Violet, Qi, ShiLin, Xian.. shall we perm our hair together?

sounds so cool eh. (: ask Edmond and GuoHua perm too..? HAHA

May (month) shall be our reunion.. When both Ting and Penny will be back (:

we shall decide on MAY !

[4:36 PM]

a lil update..i am...